Dying Hope and Unrelenting Stupidity

I have realized something about myself in the last couple of hours. I am so self-centered and if I feel as though someone can intrude or is not co-existing with me harmoniously and I cannot easily get rid of them, I become of very argry and vengeful person. I want nothing more than to see them suffer and be unhappy and hopeless. I feel like I am being a more wiser adult because I can admit this flaw to myself and others.
Being a cancer I can admit that I don't always think rationally and let my emotions run my life and my decisions. I had to learn to balance being rational and emotional especially in relationships. I applaud myself for this (Yes, I toot my own horn and I do it quite frequently when I feel the need to) I feel like most people cannot isolate the angry side of themselves when they get hurt. I know I can't always do it. I have to seek revenge in the utmost way. I have the emotionally and mentally hurt u in order to make myself feel like I have gotten u back for what u have done to me.
Right now as much as I don't want to admit it there is someone who is not directly in my life where let this have been me about 2 years ago or maybe even 3 would have done whatever I could to make sure they suffered in every way possible because they haven't been able to go away like I want them to. This afternoon that thought came into my mind for a second because I learned they have been taking silent shots at me. That is a crime u just don't do in my book. U are asking for me to get ugly when u do. I just honestly think this person underestimates because they really don't know me. They look at my physical and think she's nothing. Hate to tell u but I am CRAZY!! I could even b a psychopath given the right motive. But I am not going to react this way about this person. I actually prayed to God and asked him to take the anger and hate that I have a way so that my son does not suffer. I am trying to REALLY be a child of God. I may not ever like this person but I will learn to deal with their stupidity and hope for the sake of my son. He is more important to me than they will. I hope that when they see my son they look at this beautiful child and that hope they have dies a little more every time!